Top 5 Relationship Consultants Share Top Three Tips for Dating a Recovering Alcoholic

Here are my tips: 

Tip:1 Acceptance is key 

Everyone has a past, and every relationship you enter will have its compromises. For example, dating an alcoholic may mean that they are limited in terms of their lifestyle choices: they may need to dodge your friend’s house party or be the first to bed on New Year’s Eve. When you choose to be with someone, you need to accept them and be comfortable with their current lifestyle.

Tip: 2 Stay aware 

One of the most valuable steps you can take dating a recovering alcoholic is to educate yourself about addiction: what signs of a potential relapse? What are your partner’s triggers? By understanding more about addiction, you will be better placed to help your partner in their recovery and retain objectivity if you see them slipping into unhealthy behaviors.

Tip: 3 Communicate

Before you embark on a relationship with someone who is a recovering alcoholic, it’s essential that you feel able to have honest conversations with them about the nature of their (former) addiction. You need to understand where your new partner’s boundaries lie (i.e., are they comfortable with you drinking in front of them?), and equally, you need to express how you want to deal with any challenges that arise.

You may want to encourage your partner to be vulnerable with you and create an open (non-judgmental) dialogue about the challenges they face. Being on the same page will help you minimize the inevitable disappointment that comes from having an idea about your relationship that doesn’t line up with reality. Knowing they can talk to you is also a valuable first line of defense if your partner is wavering towards relapse.

Suzie’s three tips for dating a recovering Alcoholic:

Tip:1 Openness and communication is vital

It’s essential to make sure that you’re able to communicate effectively and to establish trust in order to create a firm foundation for your relationship

Tip:2 Be patient and understanding

Dating a recovering alcoholics have ups and downs, and you need to be prepared to help them through it or step back when they need space

Tip:3 Respect their boundaries

When considering activities to do together, remember that being around alcohol isn’t always a good idea; choose activities that work for both of you

When you’re dating someone with particular needs or who is going through something, make sure that you’re OK where things are at and that regardless of their needs, you have needs too. Relationships, casual or serious, should always be mutually beneficial. Most of all, have fun and enjoy the dating process.

In any relationship, no matter what happens, close people should support and help loved ones to go through difficult times. It can be not only addiction but depression, financial problems when your wife or husband loses a parent.

And yes, it’s straightforward to be with someone when they are in a great mood, enjoy life, and have no pain inside. But what can show the depth of feelings and love: it’s passing together through challenging and difficult times.

These will be my tips if you are one of the great and highly moral people who date recovering Alcoholics:

Tip: 1 Make their life full of beautiful emotions

I think a person gets to that point when they need help because they miss something in their lives, maybe love, maybe emotions, perhaps both?

Make beautiful surprises for them, invite them to Disneyland or SPA center, where you can be together and travel to another state, city, or even another country. It can be something big, but at the same time, it’s also okay if you do something small every day.

One day you invite your partner to watch a movie, another day make a picnic in the park, then try SAP boarding together and so on. It shouldn’t look artificially like you are trying to make them happy. You enjoy your life and with your example, try to show that this life is full of bright colors without alcohol.

Tip:2 Don’t take your partner to bars, restaurants, or companies where people are drinking

Maybe they won’t drink, but it’s unnecessary to see drinking people where even someone can ask to drink together and then put your partner in difficult situations to explain their story and so on. Find not party couples friends, meet with them often, have fun, and your partner definitely can see it as a cool example, and step by step can get used to it.

Tip: 3 My third tip for dating a recovering alcoholic- don’t speak about the past

You can’t change that, and definitely, your partner feels terrible and guilty about that. It’s unnecessary to put them back to those emotions. I think the best way is for your partner to become a new person and forget what was in the past because even memories can take them back to that bad, even sometimes embarrassing situations, so it can cause the desire to drink to get out of it.

Your partner is a new person; you believe in them, but never mention that, don’t say supporting words and things that can put you in a higher position. Just look at your beloved person like a person who has never drank before in his life, and step by step, he will become that person.

It can throw you off guard when you’re dating someone who reveals that they’re a recovering drug addict or alcoholic, and we can easily judge that person and shut down or immediately say ‘red flag’ but don’t. Instead, you have witnessed the bravest and honest moment you have seen.

And at that moment, it will be your opportunity to grow and possibly fall in love. Being in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic or addict certainly comes with unique challenges. And suppose you decide to say yes and move forward with dating a recovering addict. In that case, you are about to experience the most significant growth in love that you will ever experience.

Tip:1 Never take anything personally

As recovering alcoholics, they are learning to process all their emotions that they’ve been suppressing for years with substances. They are learning to feel and articulate their feelings again. They often become highly emotional and take what you say very personally, but you don’t have to take it personally.

When you remain calm, breathe, and ask calming questions like “What do you need at this moment? What are you feeling? What do you need from me? How can I support you?” It can relieve a person in recovery, and they can feel supported by you. It’s important to talk things out and be open and honest and take nothing personally.

Tip:2 It’s essential to plan while dating a recovering addict

If you are dating someone in recovery, it’s important to coordinate. They will be in regular meetings, so get on a schedule. And it’s sexy to plan, so why not learn to take the lead on dates. I tell my clients always to have a plan A and B, and it’s in the details that will leave a lasting impact. Again, it’s sexy when you are thoroughly prepared. You will stand out, and you will make an impression.

Tip:3 It’s also vital for you to be your authentic self

A person in recovery needs to see all parts of you, the true you, so they can determine if it’s going to work out for them or not. It’s essential to be supportive as well. Have open conversations about locations for dates, meals, activities, etc. And being your authentic self is sexy. In a world where a lot of people spend so much time using filters, be filter less. It’s how you fall in love. We fall in love by sharing our journey.

You can get to know the good and dark parts of each other and leave shame and judgment out of every conversation. Get into their world, Get related. Be connected and be moved by their story. They need to share themselves and be heard and seen, and it’s so sexy to feel heard and seen and supported by someone they find attractive.

It’s no secret that dating can be tricky, and maintaining a healthy relationship is even more challenging without following specific “rules.” Now imagine dating a recovering alcoholic. There isn’t a clear rule book for dating a recovering alcoholic, as each relationship has its unique dynamic. For this reason, it’s essential to consider a few factors when dating someone who no longer drinks.

Top three tips for dating a recovering addict or alcoholic:

Tip:1 Education Yourself on Addiction and Examine Your Beliefs About Addicts

Dating someone in recovery will challenge you to look at yourself and your partner carefully.
Read books and understand the disease that your partner is dealing with daily. Consider attending support groups for friends and family in recovery may be helpful.

Tip:2 Know and Understand Their Triggers

As you continue with the relationship, remember to be mindful and aware of the sights, sounds,
and smells that trigger your partner to want to drink. For some people, it’s hanging around certain social circles or driving by places, all of which will have to be avoided. Talk to your partner about their triggers until you understand them.

Tip:3 Change Your Social Habits

Dating someone in recovery will require you to compromise to put recovery first, which means that you need to carefully plan dates. Instead of going to a concert or a the bar, you may need to go to a movie or have dinner at home.
While being in a relationship with someone who is in recovery can be difficult at times, its also important to remember that all relationships have challenges and obstacles to navigate.